I was having a text conversation with two of my best girls. Before I put this out there, please know that I love them to pieces. That I would put my life on the line for them. That I will take their secrets to the grave. That I adore their children like they are my own.
They were talking about what their girls were getting for Christmas and it literally knocked the wind out of me.
My first instinct was to roll my eyes. My second was to text my sister and vent. I did neither. And it was HARD.
I should be over this. I have three happy, healthy boys who make me so proud I sometimes can't help but cry happy tears when I am all alone. They are athletes and musicians, straight A students and hard workers. But all of that aside, there is still a part of me who yearns for a little girl. As much as I sing from the rooftops my joy at being a "boy mom," a little piece of me silently wails at the impossibility of it all.
I will never be a "girl mom."
I will never pick out a doll for my own daughter, complete with outfits to change her into. I will never brush my own girl's long brown hair, braiding it to keep it out of her eyes. I will never shop for my own girl's prom or wedding dress with her. I will never have "the talk" with my girl about how she needs to respect her body and love herself and be careful with boys. My husband will not give our own girl away at the alter. And I will not be the first phone call announcing my first grandbaby one day way down the road.
These things are terrifying for me to come to grips with, I am not going to lie. When I found out our third child was a boy I breathed a sigh of relief. I could do boys. I had already figured out two of them. But some deep, dark part of me wanted the challenge of figuring out a girl. And that part of me, though softened and brought into the light, has not completely faded.
So, when I take a minute to respond about how cute it is that my best friends' girls are getting PJs that match their American Girl Doll's, be patient with me. I am busy shopping for indestructible beanbag chairs while you're shopping for Friends' Legos. But I am still working on being the best "boy mom" a boy could have.
And in order to do that, I will teach my boys to treat the girls my friends are raising the best possible way.
I will teach them to respect the inherit differences between girls and boys. I will teach them by example to be the best listeners they can possibly be. I will teach them how a simple pat on the shoulder, or a hug can help a girl feel loved and cared for. I will teach them not to rush relationships, but to build theirs on friendships and mutual respect. I will have "the talk" with them, impressing upon them the importance of remaining pure until marriage. And I will help them understand that the single most important thing in life is to be kind to everyone.
I may not have had the opportunity to raise a girl, but I will raise three boys who will love and protect the girls my friends get to raise. And that is enough for me.
To all the "girl moms" out there. I got you.